Sometimes, goddess traditions align with a corresponding post-feminist movement. Working under the guise of goddess tradition gave teachers like Amrit Desai, Friend, Kausthub Desikachar, and others the perfect ersatz sheen of fairness. I would argue that this was an abuse of power and stature. Underneath this glossy veneer festered secret lives that were held in opposition to the teachings. The aftereffects of these selfish pursuits hurt many people, caused economic hardship for the most devout of teachers, undermined yoga communities, and damaged the legitimacy of yoga as science, art, and practice.

One common feminist argument with respect to goddess worship is that when women are elevated to a superhuman stature, it in effect excuses men to live in a manner that is less than decent. This is an apparent pitfall for placing anyone upon a pedestal. Effectively, we don’t do enough to reach that pedestal, we will never reach, or we desire to reach in an effort to place ourselves above others, yet fail.

The upside of goddess worship is that it is empowering to delve into the power, beauty, wisdom, vulnerability, and definitive humanity of women. When I visited South India this past January with Douglas Brooks, I was able to witness a culture enriched in the goddess tradition. I found so much joy and comfort in experiencing a culture which portrays the value of women–even in the face of historical misogyny present in India.

I walked into a temple completely devoted to a particularly potent version of the goddess Kali, called Thillaikali. There are perhaps only a handful of scholars in the world who could authentically tell you what this temple holds, what takes place there, who all the deities are and the significance of their placement within the temple. Interestingly, even those who run the temple may give pat and superficial answers when you ask about a particular deity. What I am able to offer, based on my experience, is a description of certain aspects and of how the temple profoundly affected me.

Entering the modest Thillaikali temple, I found myself in the adbuta state of speechless wonder when I realized we were walking on a floor that appeared as a sort of red marble, yet was not. Covering the floor was dissimulated blood, a stain of kumkum powder thick enough to attach itself to your bare feet for the rest of the day. This blood in one sense represents Kali’s violent aspect as explicitly revealed in her most widely recognized form. In her 4-armed form, she is typically adorned with a necklace of skulls and a skirt of arms, holds a sword in one hand, a severed head in another–often with a bowl to collect the blood, and an open handed varada (gift) mudra (seal) in the other. Many of Kali’s devotees describe her gentleness and motherhood, yet by looking at her image this might not be your first impression. Further reflection on Kali’s ferocity may allow us to understand that her wrath springs from a deep care for her loves, and by extension for the world itself. I experienced what more all this blood might mean beyond the popular Kali lore.

After milling around the temple for several minutes, we received darshan and caught a glimpse of the inner sanctum. We stood in two lines, facing a set of closed doors concealing a larger than life Kali murti (statue), waiting for the offering ceremony to begin by the priests of the temple. When the doors opened, I felt the barriers of time fall away, and what stood before me was an image of womanhood, of all the blood ever spilled by women, every cycle, every birth, every abortion, every miscarriage, every stillbirth, every violence ever perpetrated on women, every violence perpetrated by women. She was every triumph, and every failure. She was incredibly raw and unabashedly sexual. She was covered–I mean completely covered–by kumkum powder. Before this temple, the most kumkum I had seen was a small heap in an offering bowl, where we would receive a tiny dot dabbed upon our foreheads. The utter extravagance, the abundant pouring on of the powder stunned me. It broke me open. I realized that every day, the naturalness of women is celebrated through this goddess. The sheer creative force of woman itself loomed and swelled in my mind’s eye. My imagination swelled, expanding full to spilling over with the imagery and symbology of Thillaikali that cracked my heart open. Womanhood, sisterhood, and motherhood were all there, held to overflowing in this one simple temple. I will never forget the impression that Thillaikali left upon my consciousness.

I call the mythology of overt women’s power and vulnerability forth into 2013. I will no longer accept the old conventions of patriarchal leadership. Furthermore, I am unwilling to ignore corruption of our yoga. We must not allow the merits of yoga to be sullied by the selfish whims of a few. May we draw our private sororal tendendencies forth into the world. May we bring the sorority of this culture into fruition that will bear more tolerance, more fairness. We can do this. If we don’t, who will? This is our yoga. What are we going to make of it? Join me. Men are welcome. Pull your dreams out from the internal shadows, soak them in the sunshine, shape them into a reality where you can thrive.

We can look for the good or we can look at the whole picture.  What will you choose?

We’ve created a Facebook group called Yoga Coalition to further these conversations, and you’re invited to join. To email us, please complete the form here: www.yogacoalition.com/contact/.

As many of you now know, I am no longer a licensed Anusara teacher. You may not be aware that I am still deeply invested in our community. I have spent many sleepless nights over the past several weeks working, as have many others. Several of these nights were spent in direct contact with John Friend. I was initially completely focused on what it was that I had to do to save Anusara Yoga. I have devoted my life for over a decade to this yoga.

Even in the wake of these terrible allegations against John, I was prepared to forgive. I was prepared to take immediate action to step in and teach some or even all of the Advanced Intensive in Miami. I did my very best to communicate with the appointed committee members, to garner support outside these lines, and to directly support John with tough love and encouragement.

It became evident over the course of these few critical days that nothing was going to change. It was utterly devastating to me. Heartbreaking.

I chose to resign, after 9 years of being certified because I felt if I did not I would be complicit in John’s delusion and further damage to our community.

When I resigned, my hope was that the initial resignations could be a type of sacrifice, that the power of the statement would be enough to shake John free of his addictions to attention and power that had become evident, that he might be able to save Anusara through humble and swift action. This was not to be.

I watched with deep disappointment as he took the seat of the teacher in Miami despite his assurances that this would not happen. As he told half-truths at every turn, omitting critical information that he had told me personally just days before, that were shocking to me and to my husband. The miserable, half-hearted and wholly-calculated letters that were released amidst confusion and delay only served as insult to injury. John has been averting our attention away from what he wants us to overlook.

This brings me to my thoughts about the most recent letter from John.

What follows is my take on a read-between-the-lines response to this letter. The courageous and eloquent Bernadette Birney has offered a similar approach. I encourage you all to re-read each of John’s letters, and ask yourselves what the content really represents. Read them once more, and ask yourself, perhaps more critically, what is missing?

We all want to believe in a man whom we each came to trust, some very deeply. But in this case, I think that the damage is irrevocable for our school.

John’s most recent letter follows, in italics, with my comments embedded:

Dear Anusara Yoga Kula,

As a follow-up to my stepping down on Monday from the leadership position, I am writing you to share the new organizational structure for Anusara yoga.

What does John’s “step down” really mean? More pertinently, will the ownership of Anusara, Inc. change in any way? What will the additional non-profit entity look like? Will its business model be at all sustainable?

Three weeks ago private information about me was posted on an illicit website in order to harm me, Anusara yoga, and all those named on the site. Although there has been no investigation or verification of the claims, a wide range of intense reactions and judgments has divided our community.

The adoption of victim role here is evident and distasteful. Intent aside (and I do not condone this individual’s actions nor his motives), the “illicit” website was all material from John’s own explicit emails and Skype conversations with students and employees. No matter how this information came into the public realm, the fact remains that neither John nor Anusara, Inc. has yet to come forth with any meaningful information. Thus, our licensed teachers have been struggling to make fact-based decisions on what has happened. The community is dividing accordingly. Also, I feel that everyone is entitled to a private life as long as they are not harming others.

Why is an investigation by any type of committee even necessary at this point? John knows exactly what he did. He refuses to come out and say it in public. All the teachers whom have told me of their personal conversations with John and direct questioning as such have resigned. My personal conversations with John included details on the actual sex therapy, on suspected mental breakdowns and subsequent cover-ups, on agreed-upon compromises for teaching in Miami that were not honored, and more. Yet no meaningful statements have been made, despite clamoring requests for more detail, and insistent pleas from John that he has told us everything. No. He has not.

The wide range of “reactions and judgements” that have played havoc within our community solely result from not only John’s actions of the past, but those of the present. My estimation is that John’s actions will continue to play out in familiar patterns in the future. We are eager to transfer our focus from this debacle back to planning and teaching, and taking care of our studios and families.

There is also no question that, despite the efforts of good, well-meaning people, the committees have been impotent. I see no reason to believe that any future committees will be different, whether under the guise of a 501C3 or otherwise. Out of respect for my friends that still remain in some type of leadership capacity, I will say little more.

During this month, many of our licensed teachers resigned (8% in total), including some of our leading teachers. I am very sorry and sad for the hurt that everyone has experienced during this scandal, and over time, I fully believe that truth, clarity, and great soul lessons will be revealed for all of us.

The portion of senior leadership resignation in the “8%” is significant. Until support is given for this unsubstantiated number, I question its validity. I don’t know of any community where the numbers come close. Furthermore, I would like to ask John personally why he thinks over 100 licensed teachers have resigned. I read the tone in this letter as a perceived victory by John and that he thinks the reasons for these many resignations were petty, vindictive, uninformed, fearful, or otherwise irrelevant. That in and of itself would be a terrible reflection on Anusara Yoga. What good could that possibly serve for anyone involved?

My primary reason for writing this letter is to offer my experience for the benefit of those who have been deprived of information, have been subject to seductive misinformation, or who simply lack the perspective to make an informed, critical decision. Whether you decide to remain with Anusara or not is not the issue. It is a catastrophe of leadership that you haven’t even been given factual information on which to base your thinking. I also provide this information to those who are firm in their decision, just as an additional perspective.

There are great lessons to be learned that have yet to reveal themselves. Our lives unfold in unexpected and humbling ways. Currently we have a spiritual logjam based on one man’s refusal to come forward in integrity. In addition, I believe that John is using the Tantric-based philosophy of intrinsic goodness as an excuse to do anything he likes. That John is “sad for the hurt that everyone is experiencing” sounds as if this emotional response is an amorphous, divine happenstance that floated out of nowhere. Imagine that John was a physical or occupational therapist, a counselor, a medical doctor, or a leader of a spiritual community, let alone a certified Anusara yoga teacher. He would most likely be fired, have his license revoked and possibly never able to practice again legally.

One of the perplexing falsehoods that has been propagated through the Internet, not just within the past few weeks, but within the past few years, has been the perception of Anusara, Inc. as a big corporation – when in fact, Anusara, Inc. has largely been supported by my personal teaching and speaking engagements. So, in order for me to step down as CEO of Anusara, Inc., there are significant organizational changes that now need to take place to keep Anusara yoga alive.

The first change is that I have joined in a business partnership with Michal Lichtman, who will now serve as CEO of Anusara, Inc. Michal is a successful business woman and a certified Anusara yoga teacher, and I am very confident that she will skillfully direct Anusara for the greater benefit of all. I am remaining as founder, student, and teacher of Anusara yoga. I am embracing this profound change in my life with bright openness to the next chapter for both Anusara yoga and me personally.

Michal seems very warm from her letter to the kula. My concern is that she is a student under John for years, recently certified, and still under his sway. It’s my understanding through recent correspondence that she has invested financially in Anusara, Inc. John calls it a “business partnership”. To whom will she report? I have seen no mention of any board of directors for Anusara, Inc. Will John remain as 100% shareholder? How have the corporate documents been altered to allow for this new position? I think it’s evident that Anusara has been supported in the past by John’s teaching, licensing, merchandise, etc. How would the new organization support itself if John is on sabbatical?

With significant counsel from teachers in the Kula, we will be transforming Anusara yoga into a teacher run non-profit organization (501C3), Anusara Yoga School, dedicated to serving the Anusara kula. Anusara Yoga School will direct certifications and curriculum and will serve as a central hub of information on Anusara yoga and its licensed teachers.

This sounds to me like Anusara will now encompass a non-profit educational entity that gives credence and legitimacy to Anusara’s other businesses and entities. How will the two entities interact, and whom has ultimate decision-making power? Who will be the shareholders of the non-profit association? More importantly, as has been pointed out by Bernadette and others, who will pay the operational costs?

Anusara Yoga School Board of Directors, of which I will not be a member, will be elected by the entire community of all licensed teachers. There will be forums and open communication channels between the kula, all teachers, and the Board of Directors. An Advisory Board of teachers, including Desiree Rumbaugh, Sianna Sherman, Scott Lewicki, Sumei Shum, and Barbara Noh will also be formed to help guide the Board. This Advisory Board will expand greatly in the coming weeks.

Details of the next steps for the establishment of Anusara Yoga School and the election of its Board of Directors will be communicated to everyone next week by a Steering Committee composed of Ross Rayburn, Todd Norian, Ellen Saltonstall, Deb Neubauer, and Jimmy Bernaert.

Aside from the fact that this sounds terminally bureaucratic and top-heavy, it misses the point. What will the functional relationship be between Anusara, Inc. and the non-profit? My thoughts on Anusara committees stand: unempowered and bound by legal obligation to silence, etc.

My hope is that this reorganization of Anusara yoga will give the teachers the opportunity to elevate Anusara yoga as an outstanding hatha yoga style independent of me. We will all endeavor to focus on the exceptional methodology of Anusara yoga, and I will look forward to joining you as a fellow student and teacher on the path.

John forgot sole/majority shareholder here. That’s significant.

With this new restructuring I am effectively putting Anusara yoga in the hands of the community and then trusting that it will grow beautifully in service to the world for many years to come.

At this time, I will be postponing teaching events until at least June in order to take time for a sabbatical of healing and insight.

I question the validity of any such sabbatical when statements like these are released and manipulations continue to make up the very fabric of this corporate culture and damage control. How is John effectively putting anything into the hands of the community?

I would like to personally thank every one of you who have stepped forward to support Anusara and myself during this tumultuous time.

This is insulting to those of us who worked so very hard in the critical hours to save our Anusara. I question now whether it was ever really mine, or ours. John has always promoted a culture of “with me or against me”. Until I was forced to make a stand for my own integrity, I was with him. Not now. I vehemently reject any paranoid and selfish notion that I have betrayed anyone, any ideals, any yoga. Quite the contrary. Agreeing does not equate support, nor does it necessarily create a yogic culture.

As the old saying goes, “If you found anything of value and goodness within my offerings, then it was from the greatness of my teachers. If you found flaws, foibles, or imperfections in me or my teachings, then those are all mine.”

This is another blunt insult, since John has not told the truth about his “flaws, foibles, or imperfections”. We continue to find value in the method, in the principles. I cannot stand by this management any longer. I have absolutely nothing to gain from my resignation other than the preservation of my own integrity, and that of my loved ones. The idea that some type of coup has been formed is ridiculous and hurtful for all involved on both sides. My friends who have reached out to me in this relentless struggle, one of the greatest in my life, agree: as individuals, and as the kula we were trained to become, we can no longer align with the Anusara brand.

May this new era of Anusara yoga continue to expand Light throughout the world.

Expanding light always involves opening one’s eyes to see. Real “light” is subtle and requires real process. Expanding the light means moving in alignment with one’s heart and mind, and all available resources in concert. And ultimately, it is our action that will offer more light. If we sit idly by and know in our hearts what is right, but do not act out of fear, or ambition, or paralysis, or pity, we break our own integrity. We usurp light.

I rarely think in terms of black and white, but the longer I sit with these available angles of approach, these uniquely shifting perceptions, the more I firmly come to know that in every moment we choose to serve the light or not. Deception, lies, manipulation and duplicitous behavior have no place in this field.

Thus, in this nuanced and excruciatingly difficult situation, for me there is but one very simple choice.

With love to all,

John

I am not feeling the love from Anusara Yoga or from John Friend since I resigned, though I do still love John from a distance, as well as all who are still working to the best of their abilities to save Anusara. This is my conscious decision. I hope this perspective is of some benefit to another person in need. My hopes are not to throw fuel on fire haphazardly, but rather to bring to light these base issues so that we may all move onto more enlightening subjects. I will never regret laying my love and my livelihood on the line to tell this truth.

We have been a heroic kula throughout this ordeal. Look at the activity in the Facebook groups and know that sincere dialogue is taking place. Sure, there are many strong words that lack substance or basis, and issues that are peripherally touched on without true examination. Yet, I see earnest questions and seeking hearts. In my local community I have seen the same. There is deep listening going on right now.

I urge all of us to keep reaching out and reaching in. This situation demands that, as does life itself.

As Ever Love, Sarah

]]> http://sarahfairclothyoga.com/uncategorized/leaving-anusara/feed/ 19 http://sarahfairclothyoga.com/uncategorized/divine-love-and-yoga-practices/ http://sarahfairclothyoga.com/uncategorized/divine-love-and-yoga-practices/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 04:17:36 +0000 Faircloth http://sarahfairclothyoga.com/?p=484 Divine Love and Yoga Practices

“The world needs you.  The world needs your love.” -Bill Mahony

I was fortunate to teach alongside Bill Mahony this afternoon in my hometown, Charlotte, NC.  Following is a synopsis of our afternoon together for those of you who were with us in person, for those of you who have read Bill’s new book, for those of you who wished you were there…

In Bill, we have one of the gentlest souls.  His brilliance extends way down deep in his heart that the longer and oftener you sit in his company, you begin to get a peak at the treasure of Yoga wisdom we have nearby.  Bill reminds us all that it is now the time to go deep; “go deep to get high”.

To sit together, to contemplate spiritual texts and teachings with one another, deeply and unabashedly is one of the most worthwhile endeavors of our life.

He began the class with a passage describing the way form shapes itself.  from the Taittiriya Upanishad,

In the beginning, this was non-existence. And from this non-existence, truly existence emerged. By itself it lovingly made the body for itself.  Therefore, it is called the well-made (beauty).  Truly, that beauty, that is made out of this love is the very essence of your existence.

He spoke of this as Divine Love and as the profound beauty that is our essence.

We sat and centered in a short guided meditation, then practiced asana, pranayama, and delved into sutra 54.

It is free of limiting qualities, free of self-centered desire, ever-expanding, uninterrupted, most subtle, of the nature of inner experience.

What is “it” here?  Divine Love.  Paramapreman.  So these characteristics of divine love are all-encompassing and tie together as a profound package of wisdom.  That wisdom that it contacts is the nature of our inner experience.  Bill discussed the inner experience.  All experience really, is inner experience-though we often experience the world as if it is happening somehow outside of ourselves.  Divine Love moves within each of us, so we access it by turning to our own hearts.  The most subtle, we saw in the context of how spiritual practice takes us to our most refined essence.  Having discussed inner experience and most subtle, we turned into a 20 minute meditation that seemed to last for just a minute in that time-warping way of meditation.

As we pondered prema’s ever-expanding quality, we imagined images that continue to expand beyond our vision.  And in this turn, we can see the the two previous qualities actually speak then to why we may not always experience prema and unconditional love.  Being free of limiting qualities and free of self-centered desire both remind us that there are these limiting qualities and self-centered desire that we will experience.  Bill likened self-centered desire as deflection and the image of a hose crimped so that the water cannot flow freely.  Next, we dove into a fun partner asana stretching the sides of our bodies, melting and expanding our hearts.  Right into alternate nostril breath and blessing of the senses with each finger.  As we flowed through the remaining contemplation, sutra study, meditation practices with light and expanded hearts, the feeling in the room swelled with amrta, with the nectar of the ananda-maya-kosha, of the blissful body that is the core of our being.  It all settled into our beings, into our bodies through the finishing yoga nidra.

Bill encourages us to plant each word of this sutra and any spiritual teaching as bijas, as seeds that we can plant in our hearts that will actually grow meaning inside of ourselves.

May we grow inner love.  Each and all of us.

If you would like to read Bill’s book, “Exquisite Love; Heart-Centered Reflections on the Narada Bhakti Sutra”. Click here to purchase.

Always and All Ways Love, Sarah

In my advanced practice that I lead twice weekly, we have taken on the study of the Yogasutra of Patanjali.  Each class, we discuss a sutra, pondering it, turning it over, contemplating it, dismantling it, and putting it back together in different ways.  We look at it also through a Tantric lens.  As the universe would have it, turns out that these past two weeks we have just hit sutras 2.28-2.31, Yama-Land.  With the word on the street of speaking one’s truth and following one’s heart so publically displayed of late within the Anusara community, I was wishing today we were on sutra #2.36 on satya.  That’s a really juicy one.  Patanjali tells us that when the yogin becomes so established in his own truth, whatever he says becomes real–that we would be so connected to our inner truth that we would actually do what we say, as in all the time.  Sounds like a superhuman capacity to manifest whatever one wants, but if we slow it down, we see that it is simply our practice working.  More on satya later…

Instead of landing on 2.36, I was delighted to reside with a sutra describing the great worth and universal availability of the five yamas collectively.  Because of this, I received a richer and more encompassing teaching.  Mr. Iyengar translates this sutra as: “Yamas are the great, mighty, universal vows, unconditioned by place, time, and class.”  In the last part of his commentary, Mr. Iyengar says something beautiful:  ”I believe that this universal approach should be applied to all the other component stages of yoga, without distinction of time, place or circumstances, to lay down the precepts of a universal culture.”  The transliterated sanskrit is: “jaati desha kaala samaya anavacchinnaaha saarvabhaumaaha mahaavratam.”

• jati- class of birth/rank/lineage
• desha- place, spot, country
• kaala- time
• samaya- condition, circumstance
• anavacchinnaaha- not limited, not bound
• saarvabhaumaaha- relating to or consisting of the whole world, universal
• mahaavratam- mighty vow, great obligation

The yamas are ahimsaa, satya, asteya, brahmacharya, and aparigrahaa.  Following the yamas classically in not harming, not lying, not stealing, being celibate (or monogamous), not grasping or being greedy is a good idea, and a good place to start.

The reason that Patanjali placed the social precepts first had eluded me for many years.  It is clear that this particular model of eight works from the outside in.  It sounded good, but in my practice, the first movement of yoga was to soften the boundaries, to close my eyes and to turn within.  To me, the yoga of the world was much more difficult than turning within to whatever flavor my inner world was offering.  How could I bring my fearless exploration of the inner self to a brave vulnerability within my intimate and other relationships?  I just couldn’t do it sometimes.  I couldn’t be fearlessly vulnerable and so my old defenses would come up at critical moments and I would intermittently guard my heart from further wounding, or else pull out mental weapons to strike first in the guise of protection.

At first glance, the placement of the yamas is obvious.  It goes without saying that it would be difficult to obtain and secure an elevated perspective if one was also engaged in any one of the following: to hurt or to want to hurt others; to lie, and to engage in the complexity and time-consuming mental processes of creating lies; to steal from others; to cheat on one’s beloved (another very energy-consuming endeavor, not to mention including the first two yamas in the act); or to grasp for what others have, or cling to what you do have (or no longer have).  Perhaps there is really no more to it than that.  Any one of these does harm to others, but it also creates quite a bit of mental anguish that will either press us coldly away from our core or keep us spinning in inner (and outer) conflict.

It is understandable that many who have yearned for something better, lighter, freer from this state of mind might turn to these yoga sutras.  Upon finding the sutra that says that the yamas are an essential and primary step to progress on the yoga path, one may be tempted to avoid it, or skip over it entirely, in denial.  But the step actually must be taken.  Otherwise, the sadhaka will be barred from true and lasting progress.  Okay, so don’t hurt anyone, don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t cheat, and don’t hoard; then you may proceed.

The under-appreciated genius of the yamas placement as the first of eight limbs is this: without these behaviors, any inner work has no hope of standing up.  It will collapse.  The way we think, see and behave socially helps strengthen the outer vessel for the inner work.  But there is even more to see in this sutra.  Yoga is an ever-deepening and ever-expanding path that draws us again and again to these very basic tenets.  We can look again, and extrapolate the meaning.  On one level, these very explicit social ethics can all be seen in the light of their reflection, nay, their inescapable impression upon our personal and inner world.  I alluded earlier to the implications of what happens to us personally when we are not embodying these five things outwardly.  But each yama in it’s own right has an inward sheath.

Imagine that you hurt yourself, lie to yourself, break commitment after commitment to yourself, and cling to old ideas.  As the yogin invests more into her yoga, she delves more into the mind.  It is then that she sees how many negative and harmful self thoughts she has.  She sees how she creates more suffering and separation through self-lies, however subtle these lies may be.  She sees how she continues to break self-contracts, and so her own heart again and again.  She sees how clinging to old constraining beliefs prevents her from envisioning more worthy ones.  This covers four yamas.  But how can you steal from yourself?  Do you rob yourself of precious energetic nutrients through negative thinking, through patterns that don’t serve, through not allowing enough of your soul’s natural sunlight to come through?

Here is one way that I enjoyed looking at the sutras today.  To live without desiring to cause harm (Bill Mahony’s astute and subtle translation of ahimsaa), to live our truth, to live authentically, to live from the inner depths, and to live fully without clinging.  The world could use more of us living this way.

We can examine the implications of the yamas in countless ways.  Think of all the ways that we may cause harm and not even realize it.  When we examine the word truth, it has so many layers.  To illustrate the sheer complexity of what truth itself is, Douglas Brooks likes to say: “A myth is a lie told in the service of a greater truth.”  And moreover, to show even in the physical realm that truth and myth rest hand in hand, he will often say: “The ground is solid.  At the molecular level, there is more space to the floor than substance.”  So, it is solid, and it is space.  That means that at one level of reality one thing is true, but at another level it is opposite, or something different is true.   ”The truth” or “your truth” or “my truth” is and will always be relative and co-existing with contradiction.  It is this paradox that presses us to grow our truth.  It is this paradox of how we are even here.

When it comes to speaking our truth (and now we are back to satya), I can’t help but bring up the four gates of speech.  They are: Is it truthful?; Is it necessary to say?; Is it the right time to say it?; Can it be said in a kind way?  These are trustworthy gatekeepers to employ.  Notice that though truthfulness is first, it is by no means the only gate.  There are more levels to filter through before allowing those words to actually pass through our lips.  Here, truth (satya) is placed first, and intention of non-harming (ahimsaa) last.

While all gates are important, I especially appreciate the space between the first and second- truthful and necessary.  First of all, we have to trust that we really are trying to make the best choices right now.  So we can’t second guess ourselves, all the time wondering if we are really in denial.  If we are in denial, we wouldn’t know it until we did.  Then we can take on the denial, make real change, and thus progress.

Secondly, even if something is true, it may not be necessary to say.  Here’s an example.  When I am leading a teacher training, I choose what I view are the most essential next steps for the teacher to take their teaching to the next level.  If I said everything that was “true” it could undermine their progress as a teacher.  They could be inundated with simply too many details to be able to focus on one or two, and likely the truth that we really want to get at is buried more deeply under the thickness of “I will never be good enough” or another layer of such stickiness.  Then “never good enough” would become even more solidified as their “truth”.  It wouldn’t serve Truth.  The real truth is seeing where the new teacher is shining, fluent and clear in his or her offering.  They want to uncover and access that truth more skillfully, and that is what I want for them too.

Seeing in this way requires incredible discipline because the part of the mind that is so good at finding what does not “fit” or what is unique is so powerful.  It can pull us into seeing narrowly without our even noticing it.  But behind this power of the mind is another power that is able to see pattern, connections and the big picture.  The beauty of training ourselves to listen first to this more spacious part of our minds is that the details-oriented part then gets the chance to entrain itself to the big picture.  This magic combination is called discernment, and allows us to be razor sharp and spacious simultaneously.

This way of seeing is merely one example of Anusara’s breathtaking beauty.  We “look for the good,” which I like to explain in the following way.  We look for where the energy (Shakti) is flowing–because when we see that, we simultaneously see where it is not flowing.  We see beauty.  How could we not see beauty when we are seeing where energy is flowing!  That in itself is so powerful.  Add that to the ability to instantaneously see where the energy is off, misaligned, not flowing, sluggish, blocked, tangled, locked up, etc, and voila–you have your next step to greater flow.  That’s the yoga.  It is all just energy.

So the “truth” is energy.  It is energy flowing (or not).  In order to speak “our” truth, we must search for the depths of truth itself.  In order to know one’s own truth, one must plumb the depths of one’s own heart.  When one plumbs the depths, everyone is compelled to their own hearts, again.  Everyone’s heart yearns to be open.  Open hearts transmit this irresistible desire to restless hearts, so that they too may open.

The word “sat” also translates as “Reality”.  In the intro of his translation of the Pratyabhijna Hrdyam, Jaideva Singh discusses the synonymous identity of sat and cit.  Reality and Consciousness are one in the same, and so are not distinguished in the tantra.  Consciousness is the foundation of everything- that is it’s definition.  So it is also the foundation for everyone’s truth.  The question then is “Do you realize that?”  May Reality-consciousness or Truth-consciousness then be the recognized base for our individual truth.  Reality is also related to Dharma, including the structural support of the cosmos, universe, world.  Dharma is also how we ourselves choose to live our path, including ethics, and so the yamas, and more.

Truth itself matures within us if we are dharmic and vigilant on our path.  Anusara is maturing.  The whole yoga community is maturing.   Anusara is growing up, and so are its core teachers.  Our beloved Darren, Christina and Elena are all following their hearts.  Equally so are the many esteemed teachers who remain at the core of Anusara.  And, we will all go to a deeper level of heart for it.  We are a growing community of heart-followers.

I am deeply grateful for John’s bravery and for his reaching deep within himself to bring more harmony to life itself.  I felt this in his recent interview with Waylon Lewis from Elephant Journal.  My heart swells with love for Darren, Christina and Elena.  I have the highest respect for each of them.  Darren for his disarming humility and true open-creativity, Christina for her stellar crystal-clearness and solid dedication, and Elena for being juicily passionate about connecting with people, and each of them for countless other reasons.  I was deeply sad when I first heard the news that they were leaving our community.  Yet, a larger part of me knew that it would actually serve each of them, the Anusara community, the yoga community, and ultimately help to raise planetary consciousness.

But what I felt was undeniably a sadness.  I will truly miss their presence in our kula, and what they offered to every single person in our kula.  Even those they didn’t know personally have been uplifted for their contributions.  In honoring that sadness for several days, the feeling began to give way to a distinct excitement of what these teachers will continue to bring to our world.  I believe they will each leap to several new heights in quick succession in their teaching, and will continue to raise the bar for the world yoga conversation.  I am excited to continue the conversation with them.  I honor them each for following their hearts.

Also, I honor those teachers within the core of the Anusara community, who because they are also following their hearts are refreshing their commitment to teaching Anusara Yoga.  I cannot overstate how very fortunate we are to keep such magnificent company within this community.

I have come to know over these years that life-affirming tantric philosophy of intrinsic goodness is truly saying yes to the full spectrum of life.  It is not always easy.  It is often more challenging than anything I ever could have imagined upon initial hearing.  I contemplate daily how best to serve.  I commit myself to radically loving my self, my beloved, my children, my family, my friends and community, my students, my teachers, Anusara, the greater yoga community, and the world.

There is incredible diversity and delight in receiving, carving, and being imprinted by the contours of yogic life.  One question has been simmering on the altar of my heart for some time now:  How can I bring the teachings of yoga to people who are uninterested in or intimidated by asana?  The principles of Anusara yoga work so well that we have the potential to serve so many more people.  As we grow, let’s take on the greatest enemies and challenges we can identify.  I believe in my heart that this is precisely what we are about to do.

There are infinite ways to follow the heart.  May we all follow it.  And not only may we follow our hearts, may we lead with them.

To borrow the words of Mr. Iyengar, may we all and together “lay down the precepts of a universal culture.”  Let any who wish to make the saarvabhaumaaha mahaavratam, the great universal vow.

Always and All Ways Love, Sarah

October 19, 2011.

I just returned from a three day teachers intensive with my teacher John Friend, founder of Anusara Yoga.  He offered a wealth of knowledge and practical teachings on how to live the Anusara Yoga path more fully in all of our relationships.  I reflect here on just a few key elements of our very full three days together.  John outlined three main things that the couple needs to share: Vision, Communication, and Spark.  There are equivalent to heart, mind, body and to our three A’s: attitude, alignment, and action.  A couple must have all three of these in order to thrive.

One way John emphasized to cultivate a great relationship is to make vows for shorter durations.  Doing this will give the vow a potency that “forever” or “for life” can not give us.  John also recognized the beauty and fortune in having a life mate, but that that is not necessarily everyone’s path-nor should it be what to strive for.  I really appreciated this teaching because I think there can be a lingering guilt of a “failed” marriage, a vague anxiety if one has not been married by a certain age, or a moral stiffness around being lifetime partners “no matter what”.  Instead, John invited us to make vows, but to make ones that we know we can be successful in, ones that are compressed meaningful sets of time where the vow is fresher in one’s consciousness.  “One trip around the sun.”  And then see where you are.

Having been married now for nearly 14 years, I salute this kind of thinking.  When I got married I thought that you just made a one-time decision and that was that.  You were married.  What I came to learn over the years is that marriage takes a renewal of vows to work well.  To flourish, it is best to renew the vow every day.  This is analogous to making a commitment to yourself every day.  Love and honor yourself every day.  Our yoga practice invites us to awaken daily to the divine light. This refreshes our heart in the delight of this life.   We have the opportunity daily, hourly, in every moment, to create a beautiful life, serving the divine within oneself and in everyone.

What is your vision?  What are the commonalities of vision that you share with your beloved? with your family? with your co-workers?

How is your communication successful?  Do you use “I” statements?  Do you really listen?  Can you appreciate your partner’s point of view without trying to convince them that they should have yours?  I think of sharing a common vision as seeing the one and communication as the recognition that we won’t see things the same way.  If we did, we would not have a friction that keeps a relationship glowing.

If you are in a long term relationship, have you lost a sense of romance and spark?  John recommends slowing things down.  When we slow down, we are able to sync up to our vision and initial attraction to each each other.  The peril and the beauty of long term relationships is that we know one another so well.  We can become complacent.  But the beauty lies in the continual refinement and subtlety of knowing one another’s hearts.  As in meditation, or any in any practice, a thorough intimacy can only be established over time.  The delicacy of your beloved’s heart, his vulnerabilities and depth of fathomless love can only be tapped and revealed through deepening trust and real commitment.

John invited us to make a vow to this practice, that the dharma of the yogic path is to continue to walk it, till the end of our lives.  In this kind of commitment, a sense of anxiety washes away, and we simply take our seats, as best we can each day.  We step up to ever greater challenges each season.  And there arises a paradoxical sense of urgency that urges and ushers us to awaken to the majesty of our lives, to release attachment to suffering, to relinquish control on all the inconsequentialities, and to embrace the exquisite ordinariness and dailiness of love.

I was honored to officiate my dear friends’ wedding less than two weeks ago.  Over the course of meeting with each other to discuss what marriage means in its many layers, I learned what this vow meant to each of them individually, as members of two different religious and spiritual backgrounds, as a couple, as a family, as community members.  It was very beautiful to watch them honor one another’s differences and yet to look for what unites them.  The ceremony was universal and personal, with rituals from various aspects of their collective heritages.  They each expressed a desire to devote themselves to one another, to cherish each other, to start a family together.  They share a wonderful vision, filled with hope for something lasting, for a savoring of the eternality in an imminent divine marriage.  How do we fall in love with ourselves and then how do we do so again and again with each other?

And what if you are not in an intimate relationship?  John suggests to be clear what your vision is, yet don’t get so specific of what you want your partner to look like on the surface that you don’t see the one right in front of you.

One sect of the Tantra is called Sri Vidya, the Goddess Wisdom, or the Auspicious Wisdom.  Rajanaka Yoga is of the Sri Vidya.  Rajanka Yoga is rich in lore and rhetoric of intimacy.  Yoga itself is an intimacy of all parts of oneself to each other.  Intimacy is the very way that any and all of us are even here.  Life is intimacy.  As a twin, I have always felt a keen sense of intimacy.  To share the space of a womb is to learn about tight quarters, living together harmoniously and leaving room for each other to develop on one’s own.  I grew up communicating through the slightest flicker of the eye.  And too bad for you if you happened to be on the opposing team with us in a game of Pictionary.  I would draw a triangle and Rachael would know I meant New Orleans.  Even with somewhat of a sixth sense when it comes to intimacy, I still have a lot to learn.  I can still shut down when something insignificant triggers some ancient pattern in my psyche.  It is so easy to miss the most precious moments of life because we think we should be somewhere else, with someone else, doing better than this at this stage of the game, confused about what our hearts really want.  The dharma is to see which of these three elements we can juice up in any relationship.  John spoke beautifully about navigating ending relationships with less heartache and more love.  When we know it is time for a relationship to be finished, we gracefully move through that part of the cycle.  All living things must die.  It is simply their nature.  Through the cycles of all relationships, may the force of Dharma be with you, always.

My dharma, as far as I can tell, is one that involves the facing of my innermost fears, being vulnerable with my ego out in the winds and elements and allowing it to transform, sometimes slaying demons, sometimes making friends with them–or at least tolerating them and keeping them as part of navigating the inner world of mind and heart. What I know about this process is that it can appear warlike on a one level, but beneath is that deep abiding peace. Inside that is that deep rooted desire and passion, and inside that is the stillness. Peace and passion have ever been intertwined. I know what it means to be battered, to be torn and violated, tossed out in the ocean with no one on the shores of rescue anywhere in sight. I know what it means to forgive and to want and hope for healing. But what of the one who has gone so far as to kill and murder so many, and one who’s life mission is to kill, to destroy people because he doesn’t agree with someone? And sliding back onto the continuum, I think of how I feel inside when I argue, sometimes measured and hoping to serve sri, sometimes out of it’s own power. There is only resolution when I finally decide inside myself that it is time to let it go. There surges an great ocean of peace inside, sometimes with regret that I wasted all that time, that I may have caused injury. If we all stand up and walk in the streets and march and call for peace, will it be heard? Can our passion back up our call? If each of us who are yogis sit in meditation with more urgency, roll out our mat to create more beauty, lend a smile to one who we call stranger, reach out to a friend, will terrorism be banished? Can we kill sometimes and still be yogis?

When I was younger, I thought that peace was the only way. Since I was a child, since I was a teenager, since I was in college, since I began practicing yoga, I thought peace. It is so simple and one can stand behind that, but something has shifted in my fullness of understanding. One could say that that understanding is worldly and not of the highest wisdom, but my experience of feeling the suffering of the world, the suffering of victims, and their families and communities is deeper each time my awareness expands and I can’t help but want to strive to grow brighter, to practice yoga because in the world others are doing things to create more power to use for bad. I want to create more power to use for good. And I think that soldiers in this world are necessary. I think that they serve the world. And I think that they each may choose to do what they are doing to bring goodness to the world. Certainly then they are not necessarily deluded. Is there ever a time when all diplomacy has been exhausted? Could we all walk up to Bin Laden’s compound and hold hands and surround the compound with our love? How many could he shoot down till they were out of bullets? Would he walk out and suddenly realize he had been wrong all this time? If we had not gone into the compound would he just keep giving orders for more terrorism? I have no weapons. I walk unarmed, but I have love in my heart, I have passion in my heart, I will stand up. I have those celestial weapons of the goddesses, at least in my imagination. I carry them with me inside, and whenever I need them I pull them forth. I reside in love even with these. I reside in love and want only that for all. I believe that I am authentic, and that if I try I can positively influence my children, my family and others. I realize and have no doubt that each individual must come to their own knowing in their own time. Even though I have written perhaps more questions than answers, I know that I believe in the power of love. What do you believe?

1. correct knowing
2. errors
3. concepts
4. sleep
5. memory

Sutra 1.7 Correct knowledge is direct, inferred, or proven as factual.
Sutra 1.8 Illusory or erroneous knowledge is based on non-fact and non-real.
Sutra 1.9 Verbal knowledge devoid of substance is fancy or imagination.
Sutra 1.10 Sleep is the non-deliberate absence of thought-waves or knowledge.
Sutra 1.11 Memory is the unmodified recollection of of words and experiences.

When the vrttis occur we can basically categorize them into five categories. They are correct or incorrect, we have concepts, we sleep, and we have memory. Our correct turnings have to be in contact with our incorrect knowing. They influence each other. When we are erroneous in our thoughts, we do not know we are wrong until we do. It is very interesting how correct we can think we are, and then find out later we are wrong. Following “wrongness,” we may feel ashamed, sheepish, or even stupid. Sometimes, we are just plain wrong.

But the thing about correct knowledge is that it too is growing. If it is not then we have a stagnancy. In the tantra we say that consciousness is ever-expanding. If this is true, which we only have to look at the universe to know that it is, then this would lead us to knowing that knowledge will also ever-expand. If we limit ourselves to a certain knowing, we can’t really grow our knowledge. There are things we know in our hearts and this knowing keeps growing, keeps expanding. During this expansion, we have to let certain things, thoughts and concepts go

Knowing that is not based on reality is like day-dreaming, dreaming, reverie. While it may not necessarily harm or be negative, it can be ineffectual and keep us in a whilrling tide pool of unproductive, unconscious thinking. Substance is found in the depths, and part of our yoga is to draw it out and express it.

There will be more on how sleep is related to samdhi in sutra 1.19. The only way we know that we had a good night’s rest is how we feel after it. There is more on being aware even in sleep in the Sivasutra. I am called to remember the 4 states of consciousness, also delineated in the first chapter of the Sivasutra. They are waking, dreaming, sleep and turya. Turya means “fourth” and is the state of consciousness that is poured like liquid into the other states. It is always present-as the self, but we can live unaware of the continuous-ness of consciousness.

Memory is an incredible movement of consciousness. What we remember is always shifted as we grow. It is the same story yet somehow different each time. When we look at the Yoga sutra again, it is as if we have never seen it before. Where was all this before? Remembrance of consciousness itself happens for anything to even be here, for consciousness must remember itself to create.